Why The Title Race Is Over

Don’t believe what Sir Alex Ferguson says about the Premiership title going ‘to the wire’…he’s far too clever to seriously believe such nonsense, indeed, it’s worrying that his legendary mind games are becoming so ordinary. United’s destruction of Aston Villa last weekend was both ruthless and beautiful, Ronaldo showing again how much he’s matured from show-pony to thoroughbred racehorse, whilst in Wayne Rooney, Ferguson has perhaps the most catalytic player in British football right now, a player who helps facilitate the skills of others whilst also possessing more than a few extraordinary ones himself. He also has more heart than a slaughterhouse. 

 Compare this to Arsenal, who in skipper William Gallas have a tottering pantomime dame throwing kaniption fits at key moments, plus a star striker in Adebayor who’s form has legged it down the Avenall Road at precisely the wrong moment, and it’s clear that the current top 4 ‘draw’ specialists are going to come up short. A 3-2 win from 2-0 down at Bolton proves prove nothing other than Bolton are going to be relegated with suicidal behavior like that.

United’s other title ‘rivals’, Chelsea, have hung  onto their coat-tails despite themselves. You have to feel a bit sorry for Avram Grant. He started off looking like Uncle Fester from The Addams Family, and since being given Henk Ten Cate as an ‘assistant’ plus enjoying dressing room visits from Roman ‘The Boss’ Abramovich. These are not your ordinary ‘team-owner-flashes-gormless-smile-and-leaves’ affairs, oh-no, Roman wants in on footballing matters, offering ‘advice’ such as telling the likes of Michael Essien where they should be on a football pitch. Wonderfully helpful for any manager I’m sure. The result is that poor old Avram  now resembles Jabba the Hut from Star Wars. As well he might, because all the above ingredients combined with the usual restlessness of players on 130,000 pounds-plus a week (before bonuses) have left Chelsea operating like Dallas, the ’70s TV show. Abramovich is JR but without the mouth, John Terry is increasingly becoming Sue Ellen, Frank Lampard is desperately presenting himself as Bobby, and Ashley Cole has solidified his role as the pet dog who continually soiled the Southfork carpets*. I think Dider Drogba might be Lucy but cannot be sure as of yet. Anyhow, add David Hasselhoff to that cast (come on, it’s obvious who that is) plus the original EastEnder-cockney-geezer ‘oo rhymes wiv’ ‘pole’ and quite simply, it’s all too much for Avram to organize.

So again, it’s United’s title. End of. 

 

BEST PLAYER OF THE WEEK: Wayne Rooney. Yes, Ronaldo is the icing, but make no mistake, Rooney is the double layer of sponge on which it’s all rested. When he plays, United play, his drive, passion and return to clinical scoring form were all underlined in a superb performance against Villa.

WORST PLAYER OF THE WEEK: Paul Robinson. There might have been other culprits, but my vote is ENF (England’s number five) who once again showed how not to line-up and stand behind a wall, showed the reaction time of Steven Hawking for Newcastle’s first goal in their 4-1 drubbing of an abject Spurs and continued to behave like the vampire he’s become since the 2006 World Cup Finals.

BEST GAME RECENTLY: Spurs 4  v  Chelsea 4

Yes yes, a bit of cheating here as it happened a fortnight ago, but this is the first of these blogs thus tough luck. A superb game of attacking football showing absolutely disasterous defending, some brilliant goalkeeping (!!! no joke), a superb performance from Joe Cole and the biggest laugh your humble scribe has had in a long time as Spurs dragged themselves back from 3-1 down to 4-4, nearly pinching the match at the death. Yes, I was seated close to the Chelsea fans who’d been singing ‘We want six’ and ‘It’s so easy at the Lane’ and yes, I did engage in amusing reciprocal banter with the bemused West Londoners as we put a mighty dent in their title challenge.  

 *I cannot be sure there ever was an un-toilet-trained dog in Dallas, but if there was, Cashley’s got that role covered.