IN THE PREMIERSHIP, SOMETIMES BEAUTY ISN’T ENOUGH

About three months ago I greatly angered a friend of mine. He is an Arsenal supporter so frankly this is always an easy thing to achieve, however on this occasion I was genuinely bewildered as to why what I’d said had ticked him off so much. I had told him that yes, Arsenal had played some magnificent football but that this was not their season. I had told him that their skipper William Gallas was a liability, an emotional roller-coaster who should not be skipper. I had told him that their strength was not in-depth. I had told him that even Arsene Wenger seemed to not quite trust his players like he used to. And I had finally told him that for once, their luck was not in. After years of the golden Lady smiling at them, from dodgy penalties awarded to the likes of Pires and Henry to the Lasagnegate episode in May 2006 which handed them Tottenham’s Champions League spot, she’d finally decided that enough was enough. And suddenly, dodgy penalties were being given the other way, balls were coming out off woodwork instead of into the net and injuries were piling up with no respite on the horizon. 

That they could so comprehensively outplay Man Utd for 55 minutes at Old Trafford last Sunday (and Liverpool in the Champions League the Tuesday before) yet still end up losing owed much to both their lack of luck and their manager perhaps not trusting his players via a couple of gambles which seriously back-fired. At Liverpool, Arsene Wenger’s decision to play Kolo Toure, his rock of a centre-back, at right-back to accommodate the ludicrous Senderos backfired when Toure put in a centre-half’s challenge on the speedy Babel and paid a harsh price (yes, he made contact but we all know that half the time such pens are never given - see the previous week’s CL foul by Kuyt on Hleb). At Old Trafford it was Gallas who jerked like a spastic teenager when a bit of pressure was applied, 4 minutes after Adebayor has bundled home the opener, and gave away United’s route back into the match which they won 2-1.

And despite Arsene Wenger’s insistence that mysterious refereeing conspiracy theories were the reason behind his side’s failure to bring silverware back to the Emirates for a fourth season (refer to the first paragraph to see how THAT one has worked in the past)  Wenger must take some of the blame. Why persist with Toure at right back when moving him alongside Gallas offers more stability, would’ve allowed Eboue to revert to a right-back berth which was his last season and offered Theo Walcott from the beginning.

Wenger would argue that to do this would’ve left him with no true game changing option off the bench, yet  the manager is more than good enough to shuffle his pack and formation if necessary, to move Walcott inside and behind a front pair of, say, Adebayor and Bendtner if chasing the game. That he did not choose such options suggests that deep down he  did not trust his team like the old Arsene used to. Of course, I maintain that his single biggest error all season was handing Gallas the captaincy; losing a lead once you could understand, but in the last few months against major opponents, Arsenal have made a habit of it, and each time their skipper has been Gallas. Where was the leadership? Where was the calm? Where was the steady-head, watching, seeing and knowing where people needed to be? Certainly not with their mohawked pantomime-dame of a skipper.

In the end, you’d have to add that luck was not on Arsenal’s side either. How many times does a riocochet like the one off Ferdinand end up cannoning off your own keeper to safety? And they certainly taxed the Old Trafford woodwork. But add it all up, the bad luck, the injuries, the profligacy and the recent collywobbles of their manager, and it was never going to be Arsenal’s season. For it to be so next season, Wenger doesn’t so much need to buy a new phalanx of players than courageously and more cleverly utilize the ones he has. 

I was surprised to see Dallas the West London soap opera sneaking right back into the title mix these past few weeks, that is until they shot themselves in the foot by failing to beat Wigan at home, Emile Hesky volleying a 90th minute equalizer to earn a 1-1 draw.  Chelsea’s continual chokes owe much to Avram Grant and an increasingly bizarre habit of not starting his best creative player Joe Cole, who if given a full 90 minutes would, you feel, win matches. Ah well Avram, I hope you enjoyed your tenure in West London.

Just down the road,  Roy Hodgson proved that he is much more than a tea-drinking, Players No6 smoking “On The Buses” thespian, overseeing a 2-0 victory for Fulham that was completely overwhelming. Three strikes off the woodwork this time, and with a fit-again Jimmy Bullard and Brian McBride pulling strings, the Cottagers might just climb their way to safety. Bolton again threaten to pull off a Houdini having beaten West Ham 1-0, but my money says they’re still going down, and as for Derby’s 6-0 capitulation to Aston Villa, all I can say is no wonder Paul Jewell wore the expression of a man who’d just seen his face on the front of a Sunday newspaper embroiled in a sordid sex scandal with some dubious midlands munter. Come to think of it, at least there the manager had achieved some sort of result. Ahem…

Finally, Tottenham. Another insipid draw, this time with Middlesbrough at White Hart Lane, and further proof that half the squad is already on holiday having brought back a silver pot from Wembley in February and achieved European qualification in the process. But it’s not really good enough is it? Especially if, as has been rumored, half the players are performing for their jobs (in which case it would appear that a few have been eyeing unemployment with a fair degree of zeal). Amidst the staggering mediocrity and under-performance sits the diamond who is set to send the summer transfer window crazy; Dimitar Berbatov. Sublime, frustrating, productive, occasionally wasteful and dramatic like Andy Garcia in a baroque Hungarian opera, Berbatov has everything. There is no doubt that were he surrounded by the likes of Ronaldo, Kaka, Pato or Robben, he would flourish.  It’s a gamble no-one was prepared to take when Bayer Leverkusen made it clear they’d sell for 10 mill, and the summer will see if anyone is prepared to match Spurs valuation of him (reported as 40 million UKP but, realistically, 30 mill would do it).

For Spurs, to lose a player of his magnitude would hurt, but the pain would be salved quickly if Ramos could convince Gattuso, Lucho Gonzales, Danni Alves and David Villa to sign on for the revolution. Indeed, a quartet like that would see the style change but perhaps the balance would be better and maybe certain players wouldn’t believe that everything has to go through Berbatov. Of course my preference would be for Gattuso, Gonzales and Alves to join Berbatov in what would be a sensational Spurs side, but I learnt a long time ago not to hold my breath for such things. After all  my lot are routinely linked with every  footballer this side of 60 and not in a wheelchair, plus we might be the only club to have ever received a thank you letter for our nice approach to a player who still thought we were beneath them (Rivaldo for those who don’t remember). But at least this summer we can rest assured that Newcastle will challenge us for the most absurd transfer dramas of the window…

 

PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK

 BRIAN MCBRIDE - FULHAM V READING

34 years old with bones that sound like nails on chalk board, the veteran US striker put in a marvelous display for Fulham when the pressure was most on. Only recently back from a potentially career-threatening in jury, McBride showed the gutsy predator in him to poach an excellent opener for Fulham and was desperately unlucky not to score a contender for goal of the season when his wonderful 25 yard volley dipped and crashed off the bar. Leading by example, and supported by the player EVERY opposing fans like, Jimmy Bullard, one of the first Americans to ply a Premiership trade showed why his fitness is critical for Fulham’s potential survival.

 

WORST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK: DERBY COUNTY

Every single one of them. An abomination. A capitulation. A disgrace. Martin O’Neil should’ve been angry that Villa didn’t get into double figures because they won’t have a better chance in the Premiership. As Villa celebrated their 6th, my son remarked how many Derby fans there were. “Do you mean Villa fans?” I asked.”No, Derby fans,” he said. “But they’re the home side…” I started before I worked out what he meant. That when THAT many of your supporters stay in a ground to watch you show your collective arses like that, the subsequent lack of performance should result in a mass refund and an appearance in publick stocks for charity.

 

MATCH OF THE WEEK

Man Utd 2  v Arsenal 1

Pulsating, pacey and a proud performance from both sides, it was impossible to tear away from. And there’s nothing more to say about what Sir Alex Ferguson rightly called the best match of the season other than if you didn’t see it live, find it and watch it now.