ONE MAN WENT TO MOW? NO, HE WENT TO FIGHT!*
The main headline from Chelsea’s massive win over Man Utd wasn’t just the fact that the nouveau riche had beaten a shell-shocked Man Utd, oh no, it was about the post-match thuggery. Reportedly (and that is a requirement in these litigious days, to say that as of right now, it is only ‘reportedly’ and that what is about to be discussed may, or may not, have actually happened) a Chelsea employee on the ground-staff threw a punch at Patrice Evra as the latter was warming-down post-match with some team-mates on the Stamford Bridge pitch. Having reportedly (!) asked the players not to run across the pitch as it was being prepared for Tuesday night’s Champions League semi-final second leg v Liverpool, said-employee reportedly (!) racially abused Evra (’reportedly’ calling him a ‘fucking immigrant’) and reportedly (!) threw a punch at Evra (though this is easier to assume as the photographs show a cocked fist). Players and staff reportedly (!) had to intervene in order to prevent a massive brawl, and no doubt the CCTV footage being reviewed has, by now, revealed exactly what happened (lip-readers will doubtless be involved).
Chelsea ground-staff warm-up for some post-match pitch maintenance on Saturday…
Chelsea are for many observers an ugly side. Saturday’s 2-1 victory was probably their best performance of the season, and the relentless energy and drive of the team for 93-plus minutes was admirable. But they weren’t especially nice to watch and frankly, they never have been, despite their recent glut of success (ask their benefactor). As such, the pressure which rumbles around the club is infused with a utopian desire for attraction that’s always rudely shoved aside by the need to win. Credit to Uncle Fester, aka Avram Grant, as he has survived the sort of interrogations from both the media and his own which usually ends in an early p45, yet there he stands, quite remarkably on the precipice of a very unlikely Premier and Champions league double.
But even Grant cannot ever properly extinguish the odor which will always prevail at Chelsea. The thug-life reportedly (!) displayed by the groundsman is a reminder that such culture has existed at the Bridge for decades. In the mid-80s, a security firm used to recruit across the street from the infamous Shed end, and a few years before them, the National Front regularly found new foot-soldiers at the Bridge. Paul Cannoville, a dashing black Chelsea winger in the early ’80s, was mercilessly abused by his own ’supporters’ and visiting fans were treated to death threats and regular attacks from some of those same ’supporters’ known as the Chelsea Headhunters. Their former chairman, cuddly Ken Bates, would’ve happily had an electric fence installed around the perimeter of the pitch during the early ’80s to keep the hoardes penned in if the GLC had let him. And who can forget the actions of ‘professionals’ like Jody Morris, John Terry and Frank Lampard in previous off-field incidents? Add to this a particularly virulent strain of anti-semitism over the years (Chelsea have, in all fairness, made very stringent, public attempts to stamp that out since Abramovich took over) so like it or not, their modern cultural default is not especially warm or fuzzy.
And so what a shame it is that this fracas has dominated the post-match reporting, dominated Michael Ballack’s most effective performance in a Chelsea shirt, over-shadowed conversation of a famous Chelsea victory and marginalized discussion of a frankly absurd penalty decision against Utd. But perhaps it’s a blessing in disguise. Because anyone who thought of Chelsea as being a cultured club and a bastion of civility, and anyone who has forgotten that money doesn’t necessarily equal class got a large reminder of exactly what their more modern history is. And few neutral observers would applaud a Chelsea title for precisely that reason.
p.s. Before anyone complains, yes, Rio Ferdinand misbehaved too, kicking out in frustration at an advertising board and catching a female steward on the leg with his boot. But the response was swift and appropriately apologetic, Ferdinand admitting he’d been a plonker and already making sure flowers and an apology were delivered pronto. It might not excuse the stupidity of the behavior but it goes a long way to resolving the issue in a positive and self-accountably responsible manner.
MODRIC SOUNDS A WARNING SHOT
Tottenham’s signing of the Croatian midfield playmaker Luka Modric for around 15 million UKP was a resounding warning shot to the top 4 in the Premiership that Spurs under Juande Ramos are not prepared to stand still, hope they can get a decent player in the window or be gagged and bound by whatever Dimitar Berbatov does. Ramos clearly wants a full-pre-season with his chosen squad, and Modric is proof positive that what the man wants, the man gets. Further, it’s a message to Berbatov and his agent Dantchev that whilst Spurs would be delighted if he chose to stay he is not the entire football club, and the Spurs will go happily marching on if he leaves. Incidentally, (and it really IS incidental to the bigger Tottenham picture) Spurs drew 1-1 with Bolton and squandered about 100 chances, but it’s been a while since Spurs supporters could relax before a season’s end with silverware already in the cupboard, a European place guaranteed and a manager who is considered amongst the world’s elite, so we’ll excuse these frustrating weekly 1-1’s.
RELEGATION TIME, COME ON!
Of course to Gary ‘the Ginger’ Megson, it was a vital point as he tries to steer Bolton to safety. He will further giggled at Birmingham’s hopeless capitulation to Liverpool at home (2-2 after holding a 2-0 lead) but he will have felt no comfort from seeing Fulham snatch a last-minute win at Man City for a 3-2 win that keeps things interesting. It’s going to the wire down there, but you still feel that Fulham are down along with already-relegated Derby and either Brum or Reading.
JOHN ARNE-RIISE UPDATE
A friend recently drew my attention to an incident involving the now-reserve Liverpool left-back. Apparently he was arrested last week on the M62 for heading in the wrong direction.
BEST PLAYER OF THE WEEK: Diomansy Kamara, Fulham
Kamara gets the nod over the more obvious Ballack because of two vital goals in the final 20 minutes at Eastlands as well as fine al round performance of energy and endeavor. A quality striker who will always do the business when given decent service, it is a shame that he might well end up plying his trade in the championship regardless of his efforts on Saturday.
WORST PLAYER OF THE WEEK: John Arne-Riise
Easy? Yes. Cruel? Yes. Should the cross have even got into the box? No. But the bottom line is that Riise had absolutely no need to try a diving header clear there, a swing of his right boot would’ve sent the ball flying out of the area, and to the best of my knowledge Riise does use this foot for walking/running on a daily basis, so he does have one. Instead he produces the most comical own-goal of the season, exacerbated by the event.
MATCH OF THE WEEK: Chelsea 2 v 1 Man Utd
Chelsea showed up with their A+ game and put Man Utd to the sword via a display of strength, power and pace. Skill wasn’t in abundance, strength was and as such, Ballack found the conditions perfect to produce his most effective performance of a chequered Chelsea career and not just because he netted both goals. Rooney dispatched a great finish despite being injured, and Ferguson’s side can consider themselves horribly unlucky to have ‘that’ penalty given against them, especially as Carrick wasn’t exactly flinging his arms in the air. United should still win the title (their goal difference is an extra-point) but this result certainly kept things interesting for a while longer.
* - ‘allegedly!’
