TALES OF CLOWN KENYON AND JOHN TEARY…

At first, John Terry’s tears as he missed THAT penalty in Moscow’s Luzhniki Stadium, caused amusement for many. Pride before the fall it was seen as, the skipper having approached the ball carefully straightening his captain’s armband and looking every bit an arrogant, cocksure strutter. It was further hard to forget this man’s off-field history, his apparently bad temper and love of beer as well as bad company (Jody Morris, please stand up) all contributing to various altercations. He was even reported to have parked his Bentley in a disabled parking spot because he wanted to have lunch, knowing that he could afford the ticket like most of us can afford the daily paper.

But if it hadn’t been possible to feel sorry for him at that first instance, it did become far easier when a little extra perspective was applied, thanks to yellow-bellied team-mate Nicolas Anelka.

This coward freely admitted that he refused to be one of the first 5 to take a penalty in the shoot-out due to the fact he hadn’t ‘warmed up’ properly. Moron. Julio Beletti had been on the pitch for 2 minutes, didn’t touch the ball and isn’t even a striker, yet he didn’t seem bothered by the same weak-kneed rubbish. And Anelka is a striker who gets paid how much per week? One word for him; bottler. As for Didier Drogba, again, moron. Three minutes from the end of extra-time and he raises a hand and slaps an opponent at the end of an incident which never involved him? What an utter buffoon. And guess who would’ve taken that 5th penalty? Yes, you guessed it… 

Of course, one of the chief architects behind the ugliness that pervades Chelsea these days is Peter Kenyon. Has a more loathsome chief director ever reared their head from a modern football club? This disgraceful boor had the temerity to not only accept a Champions League Final losers medal from Michel Platini, but to LEAD the Chelsea team up the steps? How, one asks, can that be allowed to happen? It was thus fitting that the man who led Man Utd to their medals was Sir Bobby Charlton, who’s only resemblance to Kenyon is that they’re both bald. It was a defining moment, a worldwide illustration of the class those who are steering the Chelsea ship lack, and further proof of their true stature.

Heh heh heh, you wanna hear what The Boss has just bought Jose…

The final nail in that coffin was nailed by Kenyon two days later when, as expected, Avram Grant was given the boot. Sympathies for the man were easy to find, but its hard to get too deeply distressed for a fella who walked away with a 5 million quid pay-off. Especially as only Kenyon, Abramovich and his new/old pal Jose Mourinho seem to think that Grant was a total failure. These men would do well to not only learn what the word ‘context’ means, but to try applying some to situations around them, though obscene wealth allows people to deal with things in whatever context they wish, and sadly, in this case it was an unrealistic one. By the way, imagine going into work the day after your company got edged out of a major contract to learn that ‘The Boss’ has splashed a couple of hundred grand on a new car for your predecessor; would it affect your job performance? 

Rikjaard, Dechamps, Mourinho, Hiddink the names are piling up as Kenyon finds the next man to fill football’s hottest seat, but increasingly, anyone going for the Chelsea FC manager’s job knows that their remit will not only be titles or bust, they will also have to engage in a daily Machiavellian drama plus deal with Kenyon. We’ll soon learn who’s got the thickest skin (and biggest ego) of those candidates… 

WHY SHOULD LUTON SUFFER MORE?

The first professional club in the southern leagues, Luton Town FC appear to be football’s forgotten whipping post, their story an example to everyone as to what’s wrong with the modern game. They were famously deducted 10 points for financial irregularities in April 2007. Relegation from the championship to League One was thus guaranteed. Last season, despite having got rid of the various trouble strains around the club, Luton remained in administration and were thus docked another 10 points in November 2007. During the subsequent January transfer window, any monies generated from player sales went straight to the administrator and not the club. Regardless, Luton found a consortium who were happy to take over in the shape of Nick Owen and his Luton Town 2020 group, and the administrator approved their ownership in February after Owen and co satisfied the demands of the creditors. They are thus the club’s custodians until the Football League confirms their takeover, from which point they will be the official owners. 

Problem is, the football league apparently asked for cooperation and patience whilst they dealt with Ken Bates and his Leeds Utd courts appeal over their 15 pint deduction. Fine said Luton. Except then, last month, they were threatened with a further 10 point deduction as they prepare to start the new season in League Two because (drumroll) they’re not technically out of administration yet.

It is not only punitive beyond belief, it will be pathetic if this is allowed to happen (and the LTFC2020 group says there is no confirmation that the ruling will stand). How many times do you punish someone? Why repeatedly punish them for the same offence when they’ve shown a willingness and aptitude to clear their decks of the old problem? And why try to squash the life out of football’s lifeblood when we all know far worse is going on far higher up the leagues? 

Football as a whole needs to stop ignoring the truth and recognize that the root and spirit of the game is slowly disappearing as clubs like Luton get beaten into submission. They will, ironically, be luckier than most. Owen and his consortium are committed fans who will keep the club alive and re-energize it. Others might not be so lucky. Every week it seems that a ’small’ club is in dire trouble, and whilst Cambridge United and Halifax Town might not set your pulse racing, recognize that for their local communities they were a mainstay, a source of pride, an identity. Forget about the stream of talent which the big clubs devour, just consider the social impact. 

It’s one the main reasons why as much as you might not always like UEFA President Michel Platini, when he complains of the gauche ostentation that the Premiership often shows, he has a point. What would it cost the big boys to give 1 or 2% of their profits into a common pool which could be used to help keep the smaller clubs from slipping away? The benefits would be enormous all round, from pure altruistic satisfaction at doing something good for the game, to continuing a system which often allows big clubs to pinch top talent at bargain prices from smaller set-ups.

Until the people who run our game, at both Premiership and Football League level, wake up to what is both correct and prudent with regards to our game, there is a real danger that it’s landscape will change forever and that the loss will only be recognized when there are nothing but weeds and dandelions growing out of the terraces at Kenilworth Road, Abbey Stadium and The Shay.

 

JOEY BARTON PUNCHES ONE PERSON TOO MANY

Finally Joey Barton got what was coming to him for punching other people. 6 months in jail for the angriest man in football, this for repeatedly punching someone outside a McDonalds in the early hours of one morning, fueled by too much lager, a happy meal and instincts which could best be described as feral. He still has two other charges to answer, including the one for fracturing a team-mates eye socket at Man.City during a training ground ‘disagreement’. Barton increasingly carries the spectre of a Mike Leigh character and a Mike Leigh film; tragic, intellectually thick, poor upbringing, scrappy childhood, prodigious talent drifting from tragedy to tragedy. No well-adjusted human being goes around punching as many people as Barton has in his life without carrying severe mental issues. And as such, what are those immediately around him doing? Is his agent doing the right thing by him? Are his friends? More importantly, will they be there to support him if his career ends up plunging? If Newcastle decide they cannot accommodate his unique style of trouble and disruption? 

 

There are undeniable parallels with Paul Gascoigne. Both had great abilities on the pitch (obviously Gazza was a class above, but Barton is not a bad player by any stretch) both appear to have alcohol addiction issues, both have emotional imbalances and both seem to have near-bipolar problems. Gazza wears the loveable buffoon well, which has apparently indemnified him from two cases of sickening spousal abuse, whereas Barton has the charm of a snarling serial killer which doesn’t help his public cause. Both are sick men. Barton will surely need medication to help find some balance, to squash the anger issues he has, and there is no doubt a tragedy inside that angry, thuggish heart, a voice which doesn’t know how else to be heard. But sadly, the majority of football fans will not shed a tear for his incarceration. Because Joey Barton is a repeat offender, a man who has failed to take advantage of opportunities given to him, a man who has abused the proffered help of successive managers and a man who has failed to change his dubious social circle. And for that, he must accept that he will pay a price far larger than incarceration. The end of his career as a professional footballer.    

 

WELCOME TO THE MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR THAT IS A SPURS CLOSE-SEASON

This week, I’m going to go first-person and bring you to a place that some of you will not be able to relate to. Oh you will have had a chuckle, a giggle and a joke about it, but the pain and ever-so-rare pleasure will be beyond your experience and comprehension. I speak of the close-season…the close season transfer rumor mill…the close-season transfer rumor mill for a Tottenham Hotspur supporter.

It is a place imbued with glitz, glamor, big names and big money, a place where dreamers (such as myself) can get lost in world inhabited by the biggest of global stars and galacticos. In the past we’ve enjoyed being linked with Fernando Torres, Puyol, Guti, Beckham, Roberto Carlos, Daniel Alves, Samuel Eto’o, Joe Cole, Ruud Van Nistelrooy and my personal favorite, Rivaldo. That last name turned out to be genuine, so much so that when we inevitably failed to get the man, he was so touched by our polite and well-organized approaches that he sent a ‘thank you’ letter. How wonderful. There have, of course, been others that I either cannot remember or are not superstars, too many for even an unreasonable human being to remember, but you get the idea. Not even Arsenal get linked with the glitz and glamour we do.

It’s all pukka mate, I’m goin’ to the Lane, and don’t worry, if it falls apart my mate Rivaldo said he’d loan me his thank you note!

This summer has been a little different in so much as Spurs kicked off their summer transfer dealings a) before the end of the season and b) with a genuinely world class player in Luka Modric, the Croatian playmaker feted by a clutch of the world’s top clubs. Thanks to swift and decisive action, plus Juande Ramos’ reputation within the football community, the player was ours as of early May. The feeling at Spurs has been fed directly from Ramos who wants all the major business done by the start of Euro 2008 if possible so as he can have a full pre-season with his chosen first-team squad for next season. This means that targets need to be signed quickly, and as I write, chairman Daniel Levy is reportedly in Spain tying up deals for Jarque, Giovanni Dos Santos and trying to close on Ronaldinho and Eto’o. Yes. I know. I’m right there with you. Especially when you read it in a sentence like that. Even more so when you place it against a side who’s current stadium only holds 36,000 and who are only in the Uefa Cup.

But it really is different for once right now. In Ramos, Spurs have a genuine winner, a man who has not been trophy-less for a few seasons, and a man who will not compromise. There are some genuinely great players littered throughout the squad. There is Dimitar Berbatov, and there is a trophy. Berbatov holds the key to much of what will/won’t happen in the coming weeks. He is aware that business must be concluded by early June in order to allow the signing of a replacement. He is also aware that if a god enough deal does not come in, then he will be staying. And the word on the street is that he would be fine with such an arrangement, that he feels Ramos is on the verge of great things at Spurs.

So you see, as a loyal Spurs supporter, I’m here to tell you it’s going to be alright for us, that we’re either going to sign Eto’o or Ronaldhino or keep Berbatov, that Ledley King will be fit enough to partner Jonny Woodgate next season, that we will sign a world class goalie and that we will thus break the top 4 next season at Liverpool or Arsenal’s expense…well, we signed Modric didn’t we?!!!!!

PORTSMOUTH WIN THE CUP

Portsmouth won the FA Cup. They beat Cardiff City 1-0. It was an alright match. ‘Arry won a trophy. And that’s about it. Oh, Glen Johnson and another teammate had their medals ’stolen’ (Johnson was once in trouble for stealing a toilet from a DIY store). Thrilling. Listen, don’t believe anyone who told you how ‘great’ it was that the Cup Final contained these teams and not a couple of bigger/more illustrious sides. It wasn’t. It was so utterly uninspiring that many people gave it a swerve in favor of taking a nap/going shopping with the missus, combining the previous two or just slipping off to the bar for some well-earned drinks. Don’t be fooled by ‘purists’ saying it was ‘great’ to see two such sides contest the final. It wasn’t. It was very boring. Next.

 

ARSENEOIA…A NEW DISEASE IS BORN

No-one would argue that Arsene Wenger isn’t one of the most gifted managers in modern football. Unfortunately, during his time in the English game Wenger has also shown himself to be, without any dispute, one of the worst losers the country has ever seen.  Furthermore, with his consistent public displays of petulance, he has proven himself to be a man addicted to the ‘IA’ family of ailments.

 

Wenger’s myopia has been so commonplace over the seasons that it is now sadly no more than an accepted character trait (put it this way, pundits have stopped giggling when Wenger says he did not see an incident involving purported foul play by his own side). Add to this his increasing paranoia, widely seen in the last few weeks when commenting in the British media about what Arsene perceives as a huge bias against his beloveds.

“This team has been punished in the last seven weeks more than any team I have seen in England since I arrived [12] years ago,” Wenger was quoted as saying back in an April edition of The Guardian. “Every single decision has gone against this team in every single game recently.”

Funny, having just re-read this, it’s worth re-checking to see if the word ‘exaggerate’ ends in IA.

But he has outdone himself with his latest comments, which have come about as the media try to figure out why Mathieu Flamini couldn’t wait to do a runner from the Emirates (perhaps because of the reportedly paltry wage he was on), and why Alexander Hleb is so seemingly determined to jump ship.

“I know the rules in this job, the guy [Flamini] is free, he can go to somebody who pays him more,” said Wenger, again as reported in The Guardian. “But he said he wanted to stay. If you say ‘no I want to go somewhere’ that is ok. But you cannot say ‘I want to stay but I go.’ This club here has a history of being built by people of values…”

 

Oh where to start!

First of all, a reminder to Arsene…Sol Campbell. The comparisons with the Flamini situation are virtually identical, right down to some of the language used by each player when at their initial clubs and before ‘doing a Bosman.’  Campbell said he wanted to say at Spurs before, mysteriously, it all went quiet on that front, negotiations between club and player broke down. Arsene could not have possibly been keeping tabs on that situation as that would make him a hypocrite (strangely another word not ending in ‘IA’). And Barcelona could write a long old essay about the poaching of Fabregas from their youth system and, more recently, Fran Merida.

 

“…and zat eez ze thing, they’re ALL out to get me…you’ll see…”

(“wow…thith man ith craythee…”)

 

As for the whole ‘club-built-by-people-of-values’, the precise nature of those ‘values’ should be established. Arsenal are a club who were moved across the river and into North London by Sir Henry Norris, a West London real estate agent, in 1913. And in 1919, after a meeting with the football league, Tottenham Hotspur were relegated and Arsenal promoted from 6^th in the second division at their expense.  A club with a history of being built by ‘people with values’ indeed (there is, of course, so much more to document, but space doesn’t permit such a luxury unless people really want it detailed). Laughable.

Here’s the truth. This season more than any other, Wenger has been outed as suffering from megalomania. His refusal to buy the big name talent necessary last August and again in January has ultimately cost him silverware. His arrogant belief that he could steward a group of players who desperately needed a real leader (not Princess William Gallas) without buying some short-term, world class experience was both foolish and the obvious result of an ego gone quietly askew. And to then blame every single circumstance but the one which you yourself helped create is the height of dellusionaloia.*Arsenal had some bad luck here and there, but the ultimate truth is that their manager got vital things wrong, and made poor decisions at crunch moments, on more occasions than at any other time during his tenure. And until Arsene Wenger faces up to that fact, he will always be regarded as a seriously flawed talent.

 

 

ROY HODGSON – FROM ‘ON THE BUSES’ TO ‘RAGING BULL’

 

Some time ago now, this column had a chuckle at Roy Hodgson’s expense. He was referred to as looking like an extra from dreary British TV sitcom “On The Buses” because, well, he did. As the final whistle blew at Fratton Park on Sunday to close-out Fulham’s 1-0 victory and thus their Premiership survival, it can be best said that Hodgson took on the spectre of a DeNiro character, a Jake La Motta perhaps. Put simply, the man had, with a combination of self-deprecation, class, humility and steel, managed to keep his previously dead Fulham squad fighting. Whilst doing so, they kept the ball on the deck as much as possible. They played football. And they got their reward. Hearty congratulations to Mr.Hodgson, and an apology for tagging him as such a shallow thespian.

 

It’s hard not to feel sorry for Reading, a lovely club with a decent manager, but Steve Coppell would be the first to admit he sold the Madjeski patrons short by not buying when he needed to, and thus their 4 goal thrashing of Derby was too little too late. As for Birmingham, it’s hard to feel any sympathy for such a generally nasty little club. Their ‘supporters’ have never been the nicest and their chairman is not dissimilar to the worst of used car dealers. Alex McLeish is the odd one out. A decent, solid manager, he deserved more than he got from the chairman and board when he arrived to try and help save Birmingham from the dreaded drop. As for David Gold’s absurd accusation that Steve Bruce cost them their status due to some poor signings, he should hold his hands up and come clean on the fact that he absolutely blew it with regards to Bruce’s Birmingham tenure. Proof? Ask Wigan.

 

 

CHAMPIONS AND CHUMPIONS

 

Congratulations to Man.Utd on a deserved Premiership title. It was never in doubt to this writer, but they did end up cutting it tight to the wire. United’s joy at another Premiership crown and a 2-0 win at Wigan must’ve been exacerbated by the news coming from Middlesbrough. ‘Boro 8, Manchester City 1. It speaks for itself. And in a bizarre way, it is an ominous warning of what the Premiership future could hold. After all, would Manchester City really have lost by 7 goals had their chairman remained calm and their manager remained unchallenged? Doubtful. No, this was surely players emotions getting the better of them during what they have been forced to understand was their manager’s last Premiership match in charge. It was almost as if City went on strike for 90 minutes. And with Liverpool’s situation far from clear off the pitch and other sharks sniffing the premiership waters for substantial food, the name iof the game in the future is to try and ensure that those who buy our great clubs are fit, responsible and actually UNDERSTAND the true nature of this beautiful game. Proof? Er, ask Man City!

 

 

BEST PLAYERS OF THE WEEK: Jimmy Bullard, Ryan Giggs, Danny Murphy

All three should take a bow. Bullard has been sensational since returning from such a horrible injury, and his drive, enthusiasm and sheer character continued to shine during Fulham’s great escape. Giggs speaks for himself. A legend. A tireless worker who despite winning virtually every honor remains insatiably diligent and hungry. Plus he scores vital goals. As for Danny Murphy, well, it’s all been a bit of a pig’s ear for him since being forced out of his beloved Liverpool, but on Sunday, his small, boney balding head provided salvation for Fulham and vindication for a talent who had been wayward for too long.

 

WORST PLAYERS OF THE WEEK: Manchester City

 

Look, their performance was (as noted above) obviously tainted by the recent actions of their buffoon of an owner, but it cannot be allowed to excuse them from a horrific dereliction of duty on the pitch. Professional it wasn’t. Not even schoolboys get it that badly wrong.

 

 

MATCH OF THE WEEK: Too many to isolate one.

The final day of the ‘07/08 season was everything the Premiership fat cats wanted. Matches between Wigan and Man Utd and Chelsea v Bolton kept the title going right to the 75^th minute, whilst Reading at Derby, Birmingham at home to Blackburn and Fulham down at Portsmouth all made sure the relegation battle went to the absolute final whistle. A Pompey goal and it would’ve all been so different.

 

 

* This is a fictional word with true factual basis. Use as necessary. Merriam-Webster will come knocking…

 

 

THAKSIN SHOWS HIS FAMOUS BENEVOLENT SIDE*

Manchester City, the club, and it’s supporters deserve more. But anyone who accepted the tenure of the club’s new owner, Thaksin Shinawatra, must have seen this very day coming, and if they didn’t, more fool them. In case you’ve missed the news, Thaskin is unhappy with how his new toy has been performing recently, and has made it known that not only will manager Sven-Goran Eriksson be getting a P45 as soon as a convenient replacement has been found, but that City need a whole bunch of new players, “particulary midfielders.” It would boggle only the minds of those who know nothing about both Shinawatra and his sort of “new footie owner.” A much-rumored abuser of human rights back in his native Thailand (Amnesty International consider him one of the worst), where corruption and media suppression charges were also common, Shinawatra perhaps only ever bought City to escape the impending problems building for him in his own country.  Or maybe he bought them because he was actually a bored little despot in exile who wanted a plaything to keep him company. Or maybe he wanted to be able to walk around the place saying he owned a Premiership football club (back in 1994 he spoke of owning Liverpool – consider that for a moment all you Scousers before the Yank-bashing gets too thick) seriously, who actually knows what this mans motives were? And coming from a background where his obviously enormous ego is used to being massaged by a phlanx of sycophants, his latest outbursts should not be a shock. 

Indeed, the weirdest bit about the whole episode has been the amount of national sympathy it has generated for Sven, a man who two summers ago was a candidate for the most hated man in England thanks to the national side’s miserable failures. Yet here we are, offering the Swede tea and sympathy  sympathy thanks to an equally diminutive figure who happens to be a nutcase.  Of course the reality is that Sven deserves our sympathy no more than Thaksin; he took the fool’s gold and now he looks like a fool. But when the person shelling out said-gold is someone who makes Ferdinand Marcos seem rational, then even the fool is worth a moment of your mental charity. Still, one thing Thaksin has going for him…at least he’s made City a genuinely newsworthy club again!

…such a popular man, from Manchester to the Mekong delta…

THEY ONCE WERE GIANTS…AND ONE OF THEM IS AGAIN!

During a weekend when  Ronaldo was helping put a tighter grip on Man Utd’s impending title, when Robbie Keane plunged a dagger into the heart of Reading, and when Fulham were continuing to produce a Houdini act, in the Championship matters were at an emotional boiling point between two sides who have plenty of top flight history, albeit from a time before the Premiership existed.

Stoke City and Leicester City were once permanent fixtures in the old First Divison. Stanley Matthews, Gordon Banks (who also played for Leicester in his early career), Mike Pejic and Jimmy Greenhoff graced the Potters’ red and white striped shirt with aplomb, and whilst one League Cup win in 1972 is all they had to show for their years of top flight tenure, a trip to the old Victoria Ground was never a fond one for visiting teams. Leicester, meanwhile, produced some of the finer British players of the 70s and early 80s, Peter Shilton, Keith Weller, Frank Worthington, Gary Lineker, all internationals, all top-drawer names who ensured that a game at the old Filbert Street remained a tricky date for the likes of United, Spurs and Liverpool.

And there they were on Sunday May 4th, at approximately 2.35 pm UK time, their respective destinies hanging in the proverbial balance. Stoke needed a point or Hull City to lose for them to get automatic promotion to the Premiership. Leicester needed to hope Southampton did not win their final match at home to Sheffield United whilst also needing to beat Stoke, or else they would be relegated to the first division (the old second division). having under-achieved and snatched more than a normal percentage of defeats from the jaws of victory, Leicester were the definition of a team who whilst too good to go down had ben doggedly determined to prove otherwise. 

It’s no exaggeration to say that for much of the match, Leicester had battered Stoke. Brilliant saves were made, obvious penalties materialized into free-kicks on the edge of the box and the ball just would not go in. Goes to show that statistics really can be a waste of time when viewed out of context, as statistically-speaking, Leicester had owned the match. But they didn’t score. They couldn’t force the ball in. And with Hull losing in the end of it all, Stoke could’ve ridden the defeat and still been automatically promoted. Plus they didn’t bother scoring either. 0-0.  In a cruel way, this is precisely why football works, because such common-sense symmetry has no place whatsoever. There’s never any collusion (unless you believe the tales of Asian betting syndicates), no messages exchanged between opposing managers to agree to sit tight and force an unfortunate third party into trouble. Well, unless you count that disgraceful Austro-German farce in the 1982 World Cup Finals, but Austria’s got enough PR problems right now without past possible match-fixing being dragged up. 

At the final whistle in Stoke’s Britannia Stadium (their home for a mere 11 years with the Victoria Ground site now used as a dog run) three-quarters of the ground erupted in cheers whilst one side shed tears, although in their hour of misery, Leicester’s supporters sportingly found time to offer a round of applause to Stoke. Perhaps because they, of all clubs, understand what it is to be in the top flight, what it is to be out of it and what it means to get back into it. 

BYE BYE BERBY?

Is he leaving? Isn’t he? Agent and player in long talks with Spurs management this week? Nope, wait a moment, he’s been sold to AC Milan as of last night! What a soap opera! The man is much-loved for his skills and sublimity by Spurs supporters, but if he leaves (and it looks like he will) Tottenham Hotspur will survive. It survived the departures of Mackay and Greaves, it rode the end of Glenn and Gazza’s Lilywhite careers and it went marching on despite the likes of Waddle, Klinsmann and Sheringham making their ways. In the end he will leave, people will moan, a new face or two will arrive (Modric already has) and by Christmas, as long as results are decent, then all will be forgotten. So, er, bye-bye Berby and remember, the manager will always be more important…

 

BEST PLAYER OF THE WEEK: Frank Lampard

ALthough the Champions League semi-final second leg was a week ago now, Frank Lampard’s performance will last in the memory for so much longer. With every potential cliche potentially on display, Lampard managed to not only play his most direct and impactive football of the season, he generated a genuinely moving moment when he took the go-ahead penalty; yes there were tears and yes there was an obvious outburst of emotion, but who on earth didn’t feel genuinely happy for him at that moment (Scousers don’t count)? Whatever your team, whoever you cannot stand, Frank Lampard had to have softened you if only for a moment. It was, in every sense, an enormous performance.

 

WORST PLAYER OF THE WEEK: Nani – Man Utd

Er, more like Nini. At least he had the courage to admit it, but his stupid head-but at the admittedly unpleasant Lucas Neil was ridiculous, as was his subsequent strop. The folly of youth? Perhaps.

 

MATCH OF THE WEEK: Southampton 3 v Sheffield United 2

How many times have So’ton dodged the relegation bullet on the last day of a season? Usually adept at doing so in the Premiership or old First, this was perhaps even more important for their long-term health as dropping a division makes matters so much harder. Veteran striker Stern John was the main catalyst for another great escape, notching what proved to be the winner in the 69th minute, but then the excitable two-goal glory boy got himself sent-off in the 81st leaving the Saints nervously clinging to the victory which gave them survival. Along with the Stoke v Leicester game, a further reminder that there is a lot more footie to be enjoyed than just the Premiership.

 

*this headline is false and deceiving