JOEY BARTON PUNCHES ONE PERSON TOO MANY

Finally Joey Barton got what was coming to him for punching other people. 6 months in jail for the angriest man in football, this for repeatedly punching someone outside a McDonalds in the early hours of one morning, fueled by too much lager, a happy meal and instincts which could best be described as feral. He still has two other charges to answer, including the one for fracturing a team-mates eye socket at Man.City during a training ground ‘disagreement’. Barton increasingly carries the spectre of a Mike Leigh character and a Mike Leigh film; tragic, intellectually thick, poor upbringing, scrappy childhood, prodigious talent drifting from tragedy to tragedy. No well-adjusted human being goes around punching as many people as Barton has in his life without carrying severe mental issues. And as such, what are those immediately around him doing? Is his agent doing the right thing by him? Are his friends? More importantly, will they be there to support him if his career ends up plunging? If Newcastle decide they cannot accommodate his unique style of trouble and disruption? 

 

There are undeniable parallels with Paul Gascoigne. Both had great abilities on the pitch (obviously Gazza was a class above, but Barton is not a bad player by any stretch) both appear to have alcohol addiction issues, both have emotional imbalances and both seem to have near-bipolar problems. Gazza wears the loveable buffoon well, which has apparently indemnified him from two cases of sickening spousal abuse, whereas Barton has the charm of a snarling serial killer which doesn’t help his public cause. Both are sick men. Barton will surely need medication to help find some balance, to squash the anger issues he has, and there is no doubt a tragedy inside that angry, thuggish heart, a voice which doesn’t know how else to be heard. But sadly, the majority of football fans will not shed a tear for his incarceration. Because Joey Barton is a repeat offender, a man who has failed to take advantage of opportunities given to him, a man who has abused the proffered help of successive managers and a man who has failed to change his dubious social circle. And for that, he must accept that he will pay a price far larger than incarceration. The end of his career as a professional footballer.    

 

WELCOME TO THE MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR THAT IS A SPURS CLOSE-SEASON

This week, I’m going to go first-person and bring you to a place that some of you will not be able to relate to. Oh you will have had a chuckle, a giggle and a joke about it, but the pain and ever-so-rare pleasure will be beyond your experience and comprehension. I speak of the close-season…the close season transfer rumor mill…the close-season transfer rumor mill for a Tottenham Hotspur supporter.

It is a place imbued with glitz, glamor, big names and big money, a place where dreamers (such as myself) can get lost in world inhabited by the biggest of global stars and galacticos. In the past we’ve enjoyed being linked with Fernando Torres, Puyol, Guti, Beckham, Roberto Carlos, Daniel Alves, Samuel Eto’o, Joe Cole, Ruud Van Nistelrooy and my personal favorite, Rivaldo. That last name turned out to be genuine, so much so that when we inevitably failed to get the man, he was so touched by our polite and well-organized approaches that he sent a ‘thank you’ letter. How wonderful. There have, of course, been others that I either cannot remember or are not superstars, too many for even an unreasonable human being to remember, but you get the idea. Not even Arsenal get linked with the glitz and glamour we do.

It’s all pukka mate, I’m goin’ to the Lane, and don’t worry, if it falls apart my mate Rivaldo said he’d loan me his thank you note!

This summer has been a little different in so much as Spurs kicked off their summer transfer dealings a) before the end of the season and b) with a genuinely world class player in Luka Modric, the Croatian playmaker feted by a clutch of the world’s top clubs. Thanks to swift and decisive action, plus Juande Ramos’ reputation within the football community, the player was ours as of early May. The feeling at Spurs has been fed directly from Ramos who wants all the major business done by the start of Euro 2008 if possible so as he can have a full pre-season with his chosen first-team squad for next season. This means that targets need to be signed quickly, and as I write, chairman Daniel Levy is reportedly in Spain tying up deals for Jarque, Giovanni Dos Santos and trying to close on Ronaldinho and Eto’o. Yes. I know. I’m right there with you. Especially when you read it in a sentence like that. Even more so when you place it against a side who’s current stadium only holds 36,000 and who are only in the Uefa Cup.

But it really is different for once right now. In Ramos, Spurs have a genuine winner, a man who has not been trophy-less for a few seasons, and a man who will not compromise. There are some genuinely great players littered throughout the squad. There is Dimitar Berbatov, and there is a trophy. Berbatov holds the key to much of what will/won’t happen in the coming weeks. He is aware that business must be concluded by early June in order to allow the signing of a replacement. He is also aware that if a god enough deal does not come in, then he will be staying. And the word on the street is that he would be fine with such an arrangement, that he feels Ramos is on the verge of great things at Spurs.

So you see, as a loyal Spurs supporter, I’m here to tell you it’s going to be alright for us, that we’re either going to sign Eto’o or Ronaldhino or keep Berbatov, that Ledley King will be fit enough to partner Jonny Woodgate next season, that we will sign a world class goalie and that we will thus break the top 4 next season at Liverpool or Arsenal’s expense…well, we signed Modric didn’t we?!!!!!

PORTSMOUTH WIN THE CUP

Portsmouth won the FA Cup. They beat Cardiff City 1-0. It was an alright match. ‘Arry won a trophy. And that’s about it. Oh, Glen Johnson and another teammate had their medals ’stolen’ (Johnson was once in trouble for stealing a toilet from a DIY store). Thrilling. Listen, don’t believe anyone who told you how ‘great’ it was that the Cup Final contained these teams and not a couple of bigger/more illustrious sides. It wasn’t. It was so utterly uninspiring that many people gave it a swerve in favor of taking a nap/going shopping with the missus, combining the previous two or just slipping off to the bar for some well-earned drinks. Don’t be fooled by ‘purists’ saying it was ‘great’ to see two such sides contest the final. It wasn’t. It was very boring. Next.